(P) Is For Permission
“A women can’t give herself permission to enjoy sex UNTIL she exorcises her demons and heals her wounds”-Dr Patti Brittons book The Art of Sex Coaching
The above statement is the basis for all my work, it is what brought me to take my first erotic selfie, to take my first nude photo. It is what brought me to video myself while masturbating and or fucking myself on camera and distributing. I know this is extreme for some but for me it is what it took to bring me “here”. I have always been an extreme person, so my fears, my shame, my attitudes and my limited beliefs in regards to body and sexuality my demons, the dark, the sex-negative narrative for me had to be confronted head on being just as extreme as my personality.
“Coming out” (giving permission) exposing what I have been doing with Zandra Lee has been just as difficult if not more so; being a wife, a mother, a small business owner, fat and in my 40’s etc…then stripping down taking erotic photos and masturbating on camera. Why because the topic of SEX, a woman using sex her sexuality embracing it, owning it and proudly sharing for the world to see are topics that we do not celebrate and are in fact shamed for doing so.
If each of us for a moment reflected back to our childhood and thought about the messages we were given in regards to sex, our bodies and our sexuality they most likely are from a negative narrative, are fear based or the topic is not discussed at all. What men do not understand about women is that we as young girls are given very strong sex negative messages, more so then young boys. There is very little open, factual and accurate information given to young people in regards to sex education. What little girls also see totally contradictory to the negative sex narrative is the hyper sexualization of a universal standard/age of the female form everywhere they look! So the messages received information there are not asking for coming at them 24/7 are conflicting.
“Sex is dirty & dangerous save it for when you marry your soul mate, your one and only love but to attract him you must look like this….”
As adults we have are left to unravel this mess. Many of us want to truly feel what it is like to just be at peace with ourselves, our bodies, and our sexuality. In order for this to happen you have to put in the same amount of effort if not MORE than that was put into you by; your parents, society, religious organizations, media etc. You have to take back your power, starting fresh and truly working on your “sexuality” your sexual story, your body and how do you so this?
You begin by giving yourself PERMISSION to be naked, to be raw, in our truest form. Now this is not the only way of course but it is the first step, the way you came into this world, is the way we begin. Try this next month to be naked, raw, and vulnerable. When you get out of the shower don’t get dressed right away, don’t rush take your time. Put lotion on your naked flesh slowly and admire your body, every line, and curve, feel the sensation of the lotion running along your skin as you rub it in. Think about the ways your body helps you every day! You don’t have to tell it what to do it just does it! Look in the mirror and say thank you.
It is important that we begin to see our bodies as our ally. Our bodies are not our enemy.