BECOMING YOUR AUTHENTIC SEXUAL SELF. These words are in bold because you came to this blog, or the Becoming Your Authentic Sexual Self program for a reason. I’m going to ask you to go back and read the bold words again but this time, take notice; when you read the bold letters on the screen, what does your mind chatter say to you? What feelings begin to arise? How does your body feel in that moment while reading the phrase? Do you notice an energy shift in your mood? Lastly, do an internal check-in. How does your core essence respond?
In the “Becoming Your Authentic Sexual Self” program we call feelings “emotional charges”. I’m going to ask you to pay close attention to your feelings as you read that phrase. Do you feel excitement, shame, guilt, curiosity, or simply nothing at all? How does your body respond? Do you feel your body tighten? Do you feel turned on at the thought of letting loose and becoming one hundred percent yourself; mentally, physically, spiritually and SEXUALLY? Most people work on taking positive steps toward self-growth and development mentally, physically, and spiritually but how often do we work on our sexuality? We work on our bodies, we work to stay fit. We work on career goals that we believe will bring us financial freedom and happiness. We also work on relationship goals and give ourselves timelines as to when we wish to see these goals come into fruition. However, how many people do you ever hear setting out to work on their “sexual goals” and taking the necessary steps to set them in motion? Honestly, how many of us even know what it means to set “sexual goals” for ourselves?
How many of us truly know our bodies enough to know what we find pleasurable? How many of us explore this daily as much as we do with our nutrition, fitness, career, and relationship goals? How many of us would even know where to begin in doing so?
I’m willing to assume a large majority of people have not yet taken an active role in their “sexual story” and its positive development, aside from masturbating for quick release and going through the motions of the “act” of sex.
In the first couple “Becoming Your Authentic Sexual Self” blog posts I have been working through Jack Annons PLISSIT model used by many Sexologists. Participants in the “Becoming Your Authentic Sexual Self” program have worked through Principle One of the B.Y.A.S.S. Program, Love and Know Thyself. Although most of you reading this are not Sexologists, the blog posts you find here along with the B.Y.A.S.S program can be used as self-guide in a “non-clinical” manner to help you work towards your body image & sex goals. Our Second Principle is Knowing Your Worth & Purpose. In Annon’s model, the (P) for permission says to me: You are worthy of enjoying sexual pleasure, your BODY is worthy of love, adoration, pleasurable sensation at any size, you can explore this pleasure and, most importantly, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your pleasure, your orgasm. Your orgasm comes from allowing yourself to experience it. The (LI) varies from person to person but for myself, I based my worth and my value on the numbers on the scale for many years. In my negative mind chatter, I was not “worthy” of sexual pleasure until I weighed a certain weight and looked a certain way.
This, of course, hurt a lot of my relationships and did not allow me to always enjoy sex. Sex, relationships, and connections are a huge part of our human experience. How can we become whole beings if we choose to ignore and shame one facet of our existence? Most people believe that everyone walking this earth has a purpose. Hopefully, we can recognize our purpose and act for the greater good of humanity. So HOW can we be fully serving this purpose by not KNOWING all of ourselves and blocking out aspects of our humanity, because we have been indoctrinated into a culture that shames humanity for its very conception?
If you are here, you want to change that. You want to reframe the perception and honor your whole being. Here are two suggestions for this week to help get you started. These two can be done at the same time or broken up:
Mirror & Sensual touch exercise- for a couple minutes each day, stand naked in front of a mirror. Have some oil or lotion on hand for your body and lube ready for #2. Examine your body, begin from your head working your way down, and verbally tell each part of the body how much you love it. You can even add how hot or sexy it is, then express why you are appreciative of that area and say thank you. Example: I love my hair. For the first time in years, I have no hair dye on it and I love the way it looks in its natural state. Thank you for allowing me to do so many fun styles that go with my ever-changing moods (lol). When done with your body admiration exercise, grab your oil/lotion and begin to apply it to your body, taking your time to massage it into your skin. Play around with your touch from gentle to applying more pressure. Begin to focus on your more sensitive areas, where you are feeling more pleasure and arousal.
Daily masturbation practice for one week- this is important on so many levels. First being that if you’re female, you probably have been told a slew of reasons to avoid self-pleasure or to “keep your legs crossed”. For males, it’s typically done for quick release and not to really learn extended techniques to prolong pleasure or how to have multiple orgasms. To break the mental, body, shame, and rushed mentalities this exercise is to be done not quickly but with mindful attention, like meditation. It would be easiest to be done directly after exercise 1. For women, doing both exercises in conjunction can help with allowing time for appreciation of the entire body, connecting mind and body with her pussy as PART of her body, a very real part that has no reason for shame. The more she becomes comfortable with touching herself, the more she will open up sexually. For a man, slowing down during masturbation, incorporating more overall body touch, sensation play, and body appreciation can help with being more present during masturbation as well as partnered sex by becoming aware of the stages in his “arousal” cycle prior to orgasm.
The point here is that there is no better time to begin your sexual journey than now. Constructing your very own road map and actively seeking out the tools that will help guide you on an adventurous path while traveling through life is very important. BUT, you must give yourself permission, ditch limiting beliefs that are not conducive of your soul’s entire growth and its development. You must be open to explore pleasure within boundaries you set for yourself. It’s very much the same as if you were to start a nutrition and fitness program but with a sexy twist!