What are some of the things that keep us from “Becoming Our Authentic Sexual Selves?” Do we even know what that phrase really means? I think we all struggle with knowing what it means to be our “authentic sexual self.” I can pretty much safely assume that; we all want to be desired, we all want great sex, we all want a partner that “gets us” that we feel connected to during sex and of course we all hope to feel pleasure while having sex. I believe that most of us can probably agree that the above elements make up a lot of what we are looking for in our sexual experiences.
The problem is, the experience typically falls short of our expectations. Why do you suppose? Well, let’s start with what we know about ourselves by asking these simple questions and writing down our answers.
How confident are you with your physical appearance? What do you say to yourself daily about your physical appearance when you look in the mirror? How about in the bedroom naked with your partner? Lights on…or do you need them off to feel comfortable?
Ladies, its mid-day you are in a heated make-out session with your partner who spreads your legs open to go down, what are your immediate thoughts? OPPS too late he/she is already there, what ideas are now running rampant in your head? Be honest and jot your answers down.
Fellas, you are with the woman you have fantasized a thousand different ways, and she wants you! You notice the room is a bit chilly, but she is coming on strong, heavy petting begins, and after much foreplay, she tells you she wants you! Y’all begin to “go at it.” WHAT are the thoughts that start to run through your brain during the act of sexual intercourse?
If any of your answers do not include something or a variation along these lines;
I love the way he/she wants to be with me. His/her desire to touch my body makes me feel so amazing inside. I love the way his/her skin feels against mine.
It feels so incredible and is so amazing to watch him/her going down on me seeing how much he/she loves to pleasure me.
Lastly for the fellas, god it feels so incredible to be inside her, to touch her finally, I am glad she let me inside of her, she is so soft, sensual.
The above italics are examples of the mindset of “getting the sex you want” along with the beginning steps to recognizing your authentic sexual self because you are at the moment focusing on your pleasure, what you like, and desire as I mentioned in the opening paragraph. I can safely assume 99.9% that read and quickly jotted down answers found the answers were probably made up of more “concerns.” Concerns that kind of prevent and are counterproductive to “becoming your authentic sexual self” and getting the sexual experiences you truly want. Concerns that are very normal that we all have that become a distraction from being in the moment. A majority of these concerns all come down variations of one question, “am I normal”; “Is my body normal do I smell normal, do I taste normal, is my penis normal, is my performance normal (was I enough)?”
So how do we get out of her heads and into the moment to begin to understand everything we want from our sexual encounters? We first need to be honest about what matters most to us during our experience, what we like and enjoy and the only way to know that is to “learn you” and “learn your partner” through open communication and explore! I have provided blog and video links below from Betty Dodson & Carlin Ross that can help you begin to explore a bit more and bring your concerns into focus. Check out the site as well it is a wealth of information that can indeed be beneficial to you and your partner.
Going Inward Video Click Here with Betty Dodson & Carlin Ross
Overcoming Pleasure Anxiety with Betty Dodson & Carlin Ross
How Can I Learn Come Control? with Betty Dodson & Carlin Ross